Welshrogue

My wife showers like a man…. well all execpt the wiener bit anyway!

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental
note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth,
long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43
added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint enhanced
conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10
minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body
wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on
head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas.

Keep reading!!!!!!!!!

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HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and
leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making
the ‘woo-woo’ sound.
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Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them
off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding
area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the
soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging
out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan
on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and
make the woo-woo’ sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

My wife has excellent taste!

Apart from the fact that she picked me, my wife has great taste in things.

Our basement bathroom is still being completed after the flood and my wife picked out some tile for the shower and around the bath. They have been put up and they look amazing. Truly fantastic. I couldn’t have picked better colours, or shapes.

My wife is great at design, which must be why she keeps wanting to change me!

My wife doesn’t stand for any rubbish.

No, not rubbish such as ” I am sorry honey, that has never happened before. Let me clean that up and we can try again in a few hours” but rather, garbage!!

Our city, as in most, has a recycling service, or blue box. This allows us to seperate glass, plastic, paper and place them out seperately. This is good for the enironvment and also means a little less normal trash. The provider of this recycling services has decided that rather than placing all items into a blue box every two weeks, house owners now has to seperate each type of rubbish. Tying up paper in twine, washing and taking off the labels of food cans, keeping the glass seperate. There is a large to-do about this in our city for several reasons.

My wife, that quiet, unassuming woman of mine wrote a letter to the editor of our local tome asking if there were organizations or groups that collected certain types of recycling for charity. The answers have been pinging her mailbox since the letter was posted with resounding yes’s!

You see, my wife’s logic is this. If she is going to go the extra step of seperating the garbage, then she should be able to donate or give it to whoever she wants, whenever she wants, and not just the organized pickup every two weeks. In our house, with very little storage space for such items, the garbage would either be put out on the deck to be attacked by the local wildlife, or somewhere in the house where the inside wildlife, or our children as others call them, can get them.

If you think about it, its a simple choice. Do the work that the garbage company used to do, causing us more problems than solving, or do the work and then give it to a charity through a group of do gooders. Its nice to be able to give to charity because its not always possible to give when asked, but this way, we can always be giving!

My wife makes me feel like a well oiled lightswitch……………..

She can easily turn me on!

My wife likes to pretend she is a nurse.

Now if she did want to dress up all nursey like and administer a bed bath or something as pleasurable then I obviously wouldn’t be complaining but sadly, thats not what I mean.

My wife looks after me when I am ill. Having had some sort of gastro explosion this week and having spent most of a night sat on the toilet puking and wondering how can stuff come out of both ends at once, my wife let me sleep in, something I never do, and then bought all sorts of medicines and supplies to keep me alive until I had my strength back, or at least until the room stopped spinning and my stomach stopped grumbling.

She does this without complaint, which I am afraid is more than I would do. You see, although it may be a surprise to you, I can be a bit of a bastard!

Now I just have to find a nurses uniform for my wife to wear when she is wiping my brow….

My wife doesn’t rub my face in it.

There you go again, thinking naughty things again. I mean, when I make a mistake, a goof or a general screw up, my wife doesn’t gloat, laugh or rub my face in it, as I probably would. She rocks, She understands, and she doesn’t make me feel like an idiot for buying boots that were a size too small and not saying anything for a year because I didn’t want to admit that I made a boo boo.

‘Shopping lists are for wussies’

I can’t argue with that one.

My wife is Frank Sinatra

To get me to call her, she sent this…..

Subject: As Frank Sinatra Said

Message: apparently…

When youre feeling sad and lonely theres a service I can render.
Tell the one who loves you only, I can be so warm and tender.
Call me, dont be afraid you can call me, maybe its late but just call me.
Call me and Ill be around.
When its seems your friends desert you, theres somebody thinking of you.
Im the one wholl never hurt you, maybe its because I love you.
Call me, dont be afraid you can call me, maybe its late but just call me.
Call me and Ill be around.
Now dont forget me, `cause if you let me, I will always stay by you.
You got to trust me, thats how it must be, theres so much I can do.
If you call, Ill be right with you. you and I should be together.
Take this love I long to give you. Ill die at your side forever, call me, call me.

( I was looking for a new and origianal way to get you to call)

My wife is a big geeky nerd!

Honest, she is. She likes watching Science Fiction movie and TV. She is a huge fan of Battlestar Galactica (new series) and always enjoys a good sci fi night at the movies. She is also very handy on a computer, easily adapting from Windows to Linux without complaint. Brains and beauty do go together.

My wife is also on board with both Doctor Who and the spin off Torchwood, a sure sign of geeky, nerdness. Of course, I am also all of the above so I guess that makes me a geek and a nerd as well, but that just means we are well suited!

My parents prefer my wife to me.

Its true, they always take her side on anything. And my wife, in turn, will take their side against me. When someone says that the world is against them, they are usually exaggerating, but with me, its true!!

We met the estate agent (sorry, realtor) who helped us buy our house, she instantly starts picking on me in front of my parents.

But back at the ranch, my parents love my wife, and since they are my parents, who didn’t really choose me to be their son, I trust their judgement in somethings and if my wife is good enough for my parents, then she is good enough for me.

Sometimes she’s more than enough for me but thats another story!