Red Dwarf. I do not know of a funnier, wittier, more quotable television show full stop, let alone science fiction show. There are so many classic quotes from the eight series, not including the classic out-takes of Smeg Ups and Smeg Outs!

Red Dwarf is the story of the last surviving human, Lister, aboard the deep space mining ship, Red Dwarf, who has been in stasis for the last 4 million years. When released from stasis, Holly the ships computer brings back his dead bunkmate and most annoying person in the universe, Rimmer, as a hologram to keep Lister company. They also discover a life form that has evolved from Lister’s cat, which was the reason Lister was in stasis in the first place. In the second series they are joined by a mechanoid named Kryton. And there you have it, a classic in the making.

How can I explain what makes it so good? Lister is a slob, complete and utter. Rimmer is so anal as to be unbelievable and probably one of the most annoying characters ever seen on television. The Cat is stylish, cool and self centered. Holly is brilliant, well not brilliant as intelligent, more like thick as a short plank but there you are! Late joiner Kryton is funny, sarcastic and different to any mechanoid/robot ever seen.

Let me quote you some quotes to give you some idea of what this show is about.

From Marooned:

Rimmer: He told me that, in a previous incarnation, I was Alexander the Great’s chief eunuch.
Lister: You know what, I believe you.

From Camille:

Kryten: Oh, spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska!

From Justice:

Kryten: I ask the court one key question: would the Space Corps have allowed this man (Points at Rimmer) ever to be in a position where he might endanger the ship? A man so petty and small-minded he would while away his evenings sewing name labels on to his ship-issue condoms? A man of such awsome stupidity…
Rimmer: Objection.
Justice: Objection overruled.
Kryten: A man of such awsome stupidity, he even objects to his own defence counsel.

They invented words, the most famous of which is Smeg. What Smeg stands for, well, look online and work it out. This word can be combined for commonly used phrases such as Smeg Head, What The Smeg, Better Dead Than Smeg, and the always useful, Smeg.

Did I mention that the creators of the show decided that a cat evolved 4 million years would be the sharpest dressed, coolest dancing, vainest creature that ever licked its bits! Even as his alter ego, Duane Dibbley, The Cat rules!

Some more quotes:

From White Hole:

Cat: I’ve got it. We laser our way through.
Kryten: An excellent plan, with just two drawbacks: One, we don’t have a power source for lasers and two, we don’t have any lasers.

Kryten: The Space Corps Directive #195 clearly states that in an emergency power situation, a hologramatic crew member must lay down his life in order that the living crew members might survive.
Rimmer: Ah yes, but Rimmer directive #193 states just as clearly: No chance you metal bastard.

From Ace:

Ace: Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast.

From Holoship:

Cat: What are we waiting for, why don’t we drop the defensive shields?
Kryten: An excellent plan, sir, with only two minor drawbacks: One, we don’t have any defensive shields and two, we don’t have any defensive shields. Now I know technically speaking that’s only one drawback, but I thought it was such a big one, it was worth mentioning twice.

Not only does Red Dwarf deliver some of the funniest lines ever shown on British television, it deals with serious issues such as loss (of the rest of the human race), alternate universes (where Rimmer isn’t hated by everyone), space time continunummumnum thingy (where future selves try to kill present day selves), insanity (Rimmer wearing wearing a red and white checked gingham dress and army boots) and even reality. This was a serious show, seriously funny!

More quotes:

From Quarantine:

Rimmer: So… let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet, to see the king of the potato people and plead with him for your freedom, and you’re telling me you’re completely sane?

From Stoke Me A Clipper:

Ace: All the better for seeing you, Cat old friend. Is that a new suit you’re wearing? Why, it’s sharper than a page of Oscar Wilde witticisms that have been rolled up into a point, sprinkled with lemon juice and jabbed into someone’s eye.
Cat: Wow, that’s sharp. Thanks buddy!

And the final proof that Red Dwarf is truly a classic for all time. Its theme tune…

Its cold outside,
There’s no kind of atmosphere,
I’m all alone,
More or less.
Let me fly,
Far away from here,
Fun, fun, fun,
In the sun, sun, sun.

I want to lie,
Shipwrecked and comatose,
Drinking fresh,
Mango juice,
Goldfish shoals,
Nibbling at my toes,
Fun, fun, fun,
In the sun, sun, sun,
Fun, fun, fun,
In the sun, sun, sun.

8 series of the best science fiction television comedy EVER!